2004-01-27 - 11:23 a.m.
As far as life in the US, I am struggling. I am sort of glad I didn't have a job I had to leap right back into, and sort of not. Because then at least I wouldn't have so much time to think about things. I really miss being able to walk or take the bus anywhere. I really hate not having a home. I am not housesitting yet. Not until next week. So I am at Tamara's which is really nice but very far away from town and there's no space for me. I am on the futon in her husband's office/music room. I feel very squashed.
I really really hate driving. REALLY. I hate driving. I hate understanding every word that
comes at me from the glut of information, advertising, and chitchat that surrounds me at nearly all hours of the day and night. I hate driving. Did I already say that? I hate the sheer number of papers that come with anything I sign up for, the number of boxes and packages that come with anything I buy. I HATE listening to people talk about fucking television shows. I hate driving. I hate not having a permanent place to stay. As much as I got sick of looking at the same five tshirts day in and day out, I hate lugging around this gigantic suitcase full of stuff.
I hate all these things I 'need' that cost so much money.
Waaa waaa waaa. I locked my keys in my car this afternoon. And this is toned down compared with last week.
I want peace. I want quiet. I want freedom. But I also want some pants from Old Navy. I want to be able to take whatever Informal class I feel like. I want to get my computer fixed without having to sweat it.
Unlike in Mexico where I had to accept the way things were, how people were, how things are done, etc, here I have this odd sense that things ought to be different. That they ought to be the way I want them to and I really want to jump up and down hard (like
some old coot with cowboy boots) and scream and shake my fists and turn bright red (like a baby) until I get my way.
Anyways, I'll get over it. I am much improved over last week, so that's something.
