2003-08-10 - 5:58 p.m.
I woke up with a really bad sore throat. My normal treatment is to guzzle lots of juice and hot tea and spicy food until it goes away. When I turned down a friend's offer of medicine and explained my method, she said 'You must not be very delicate.' I know she wasn't talking about my psyche, but it still set me off.
This bothers me. The story people tell about you based on one thing you say or do, how you dress or act, or by the look on your face at one particular moment. And the whole pile of associations that go along with this story that change forever what they think of you and how they treat you and how they interpret everything about you going forward. And you're really pretty much screwed after that, once your reference card has been refiled in their brains.
Am I not delicate? Certainly, I´m generally hale and hearty in body. But in spirit? Somedays I'm Superwoman. And somedays I'd do nearly anything for a hug or an email or a sympathetic look and I can't catch a break. Then what am I? Needy?
Ex says he misses me. I say 'You don't know me.' He says 'I know your every breath, smile, laugh, ' etc. This is the man who used to regularly call me 'insensitive,' 'emotionally retarded,' 'simple,' and 'always happy.'
Fuck OFF.
