2003-08-22 - 12:39 p.m.
I used to feel like I was wasting my time and energy on something that was meaningless to me. And it pissed me off, how much energy I wasted on it (school, work, etc) and how good I was at it even though I didn't care about it.
I felt stuck. I felt like I was in this hole of regular work and there was no way I'd get out and that I'd never have the time I needed to really follow through with what I wanted. To give the energy I'd been giving to work to a creative life.
I kept thinking that if I arranged my life carefully enough I could do my regular work and have my regular life but also have my creative life.
But now my perspective has changed. I have little interest in a regular life. Creative life is everything. Even if I´m an abject failure at it. Even if I write things that no one reads and take photos that people think are bad. Or worse, 'artistic' or 'pretentious.' Realizing the life I want is everything to me.
